In my absence my blog seems to have been slowly ticking over and I’ve had over 5000 visits.  I don’t have much need for this any more though so not sure where to go.  I crave the anonymity and selective exposure of my earlier blog.  The ability to write absolutely anything and not worry about people you know reading it.  Writing to strangers.  There is something in the desire to publish and put out those intimate thoughts and events to be read by random unknowns, to be followed and supported, yet to be kept hidden.  A paper journal holds not the same appeal, the outrage of finding someone you know has peered within the sacred confines of a personal diary does not translate to the internet.  It also highlights the reality of what you’re doing when you sit, pen in hand and detail those troublesome thoughts to the page.  I am tempted to just hit that delete button for this and my past outlet.  Or perhaps reappear somewhere new with no fanfare.

Common joy seems to have lapsed into something sweeter.  This has been a fortnight characterised by a heap of new people and the discovery and rapture of a new muse (most fitting to Aoide); the associated back-tumble to the stages of my life that fling themselves into stark contrast with how things have been and how they can be no longer; and a god awful hangover that eventually lapsed into vague sickness.

There is (despite the runny nose and generally foggy head of the last few days) a smile on my face, a whimsy of the body and a desire to create.

On a somewhat related note I recently bought a new fountain pen.  Haven’t owned one for many a year but decided writing for me had become a chore, an act of work.  I wanted to take back the enjoyment.  Currently it’s been sent to Australia to fit a finer nib but once it returns I shall use it.  If anyone would like a letter drop me a line and address.

We got back a few hours ago from out weekend away with the gang to Hanmer.  Fun weekend with nice people.  Pretty tired now.  A big event – I had my first beer in a pub.  I drank the whole thing and liked it.  Kind of.  I liked the first third, went of the middle third then enjoyed the final bit.  And I didn’t throw up afterwards!  One step closer to being accepted as a Kiwi.

Drinking, sledging, BBQ, hot tubs, mini golf, adventure maze and amusing games.  I’ll try to get photos up later in the week.

We all start a new rotation tomorrow.  I’m on night cover again (through choice), this time covering the other medical specialties apart from Cardiology and Respiratory.  Basically I do the day job of the doc who’s on nights so I change team to team every week.  I’m also on call tomorrow as well which is annoying but hey ho.

I went running today for the first time with my new shoes.  They came with ‘instructions’ to wear them in for a few days first then just go on short runs of about 20 mins for the next few days.  Right.  20 mins.  So after waiting ages for K to come home I went without her and decided to start things easy and go round the block.  That took 5 mins so when I got back to the start I went round again.  When I got back round to the start again I was pretty much dead so I stopped.  Only for K to come home and drag me out again so she could go! 

I will improve!

I took today off work sick and frankly feel a  bit of a fraud as now I feel fine.  But there was some bowel unpleasantness yesterday and we’re not supposed to go in.  I’m not sure I would have thought much of it if K hadn’t had a similar thing over the weekend.  Therefore it must be contagious!

It annoys me as I’ve only taken 2 days off sick in 3 years so this has now brought my total up to 3.  Still, once a year isn’t too bad.  Did I use the day productively..?  Erm…

So today in an effort to combat my increasing laziness (and size of my waist) I (and indeed K as well) went out and bought a pair of running shoes.  My first ever.  I don’t really like running but there are very few excuses to be made for why you shouldn’t be compared to almost any other physical activity that involves leaving the house.  I do get painful shins and my right knee can sometimes be a bit gammy but I figure I’ll give it a go.  I’ll update on progress.

It was quite fun all told – they watched me run up and down a short track in the shop and then they stuck me on a treadmill and recorded me running.  Buying shoes is much more high tech than it used to be.

We saw Sunshine Cleaning last night which I thought could have taken things a bit further (in terms of comedy and blackness) creating a great movie rather than just a good one.  The performances though from Amy Adams and Emily Blunt were fantastic.  I’ve really enjoyed every Amy Adams performance I’ve seen.  Very natural, very engaging.

A relaxing weekend has been much needed.

Watching ER tonight and talking with Katherine has led to me thinking about my death (not in a particularly morbid way – I’m still smiling) and what I want to happen (all because the black guy who’s name I don’t know, tragically died).  So I thought I should put my thoughts down somewhere in case ‘bad things happen’ before I’m ready.  So here we go:

• I want to be buried, not cremated.  I know it costs more but I have money and I like the idea of rotting.  That may sound strange but not being a religious person, for me the concept of degrading back to my base atoms and rejoining the universe is more comforting than some garbled vision of a heaven.

• I want my funeral to be a celebration of my life with smiles and laughter, not a mourning of my death; my Nan had a Humanist ceremony and I thought it was a wonderful way of approaching it.  I actually learnt things about her life that I wished I had learnt while she was still alive.

• I want to be buried in a small village cemetery near a tree.  A picturesque tree.  On the coast with a sea view.  Far away from any big towns.  (this one may be tricky).  Actually, if I could really get my way I would like to be dispersed in space.  That’s a genuine desire and the fact that I’m never likely to enter space and voyage between the planets is probably the most saddening thing in my life (the fact that is the most saddening thing in my life hints at how privileged I have been).  As for an explanation why, I have a story about an experience with Jupiter that I may share one day.  Unless I’m already dead, in which case either hunt out people I’ve already told it to or make one up…

• I would like 2 songs played; both are by Mogwai and I want both of them to be played really loud.  And if anyone speaks or moves while Helicon is playing I WILL HAUNT YOUR ARSE FOR ETERNITY:

1. Superheroes of BMX (to be played first; for the chaos)
2. New Paths to Helicon 1 (the live version from the Tour EP (ask my brother – he’ll know) to be played at the end; for the beauty)

• I want to donate ALL of my organs to people who may need them (f they’re in good shape I don’t need them anymore).

• My books can be donated to a local library (or a second hand shop for cancer research); my brother can have my music and films; my sister can be forgiven; Katherine can have my jumpers, my Mogwai collection, my fish necklace and my soul; my Mum and Dad can have my paintings and the knowledge that I loved both of them and were proud to have them both as parents (even if I never rang home often enough or told them enough).  Saying that – if I die before my parents I’m going to be pretty pissed off – no offence guys but I want to be around for a bit longer than that).

• Fuck it – after all that, I want you all to get really drunk on Jack Daniels and have a party.

So there you go.  Morbid perhaps and I have no intention of karking it just yet but you never know what’s around the next corner.  I would rather have said it than not.  Ultimately it won’t matter because I’ll be dead but I wouldn’t mind having a lasting impact; if only for a few short hours.

Some tears in my eyes; perhaps.  Damn ER. 

Andy x

I decided to check out the art museum at the weekend, thinking that after living here for 9 months I should probably do some touristy things.  To be honest the most entertaining aspect of the museum was/were the people wandering round.  An amusing mix of berets, BIG scarf’s (?scarves?), thumbs on chins and sheer pomposity.  All told there wasn’t much on offer art wise with half of the galleries being rehung.  After spending 5 minutes staring at video footage of a closed door projected onto a wall I thought it might be time to leave.

The Coco gallery down the road however, housed an interesting and more accessible selection of art.  Unfortunately I found a painting I really like.  I say unfortunately because it cost slightly over $2000.  And I really like it.  Which is a bad combination.  I’m going to take K to see it next weekend to see what she thinks.  Very different to what I would normally like, it’s a landscape but the way it’s painted is etheral and compelling.  We shall see.

I’ve been rather slack when it comes to my blog.  Oh well.  Life has been busy.

It’s winter here now.  Truly.  I’ve gone skiing twice now.  My second lesson at the weekend didn’t go too well.  On the first run down I stacked it and got sifted to the ’slow’ group, comprising me and 5 middle aged women.  It got worse as I went on though.  Felt pretty disillusioned with the whole process and had a bit of a strop until I saw a chubby guy about my age crying on his arse with his tutor holding him by the shoulders saying, “It’s ok Danny, we just need to get to the bottom of the slope; can you do that?; come on, we’re getting there, we just need to crack your balance…’, NO! I want to stop!”.  I decided to man up after that shameful display.

In the afternoon I progressed to the big boy slope and after 1 run of sheer terror I felt pretty good about the whole thing and was rather annoyed when the weather came in and we had to go home.

Ached like a bitch for the next few days.

A friend of mine let me know that the Blur set at Glastonbury was the best gig of his life which made me feel great.  Watching the footage on line it’s really taken me back to the old days, watching Blur with friends, crowd-surfing, singing to my throat gave out and leaving soaked to the skin with sweat, water and stale lager.  Upset I missed the gig.

I’m working in elderly care at the moment which is nice as I find old people fascinating and some of the most interesting people I’ve ever met.  You don’t seem to get as many war stories in NZ though and I’m not sure why.  I’m currently sitting waiting for a medical registrar job to come up but in the mean time I’ve applied formally for jobs in December.  K is working as an anaesthetic registrar which is pretty cool.  I’m proud of her.

So many things.

Right now I’m listening to an almost perfect live version of 2 rights make 1 wrong from the Evening session in 2001.  It’s glorious and well worth digging out.  Time for bed now though.

This morning on the ward round we were hurrying around the hospital and as we came up out of a stairwell I reached out quickly to grab the door before it swung back and hit us.  Unfortunately one of the consultant surgeons strode through in the other direction at that precise time and I punched / bitch slapped him pretty hard across the face.

Mortified!

Trying to apologise, he ran up the stairs looking shocked while I tried to get out my words.  At which point my consultant fell about laughing.  And didn’t stop for the next 5 mins.

It’s a good job I don’t want to be a surgeon!

I am still alive.  Back on nights over the long Easter weekend.  Destined to work every Bank Holiday in NZ ever.  I really mean to blog more.  I really do.  I also mean to cut down the time I spend online which is the prevailing force at the moment.

Let’s see, what have I been up to since I last wrote something down:

• saw NIN in Auckland – different set from recent tours but energetic and great setlist.
• saw Kings of Leon -they  just don’t do anything for me
• missed Dan Deacon which really pissed me off
• got soaked on Franz Joseph glacier
• gently spun in a circle hanging from a log 25 ft up being watched by about 40 people while ice climbing and then dropped my axes
• climbed back up and got them
• went to Hokitika Wild Foods Fest
• spent more time in Greymouth than was really necessary
• made a hand forged knife and had fun axe throwing in Barrytown spending a brilliant day listening to Stephen’s terrible jokes
• drove a lot surrounded by stunning scenery
• sea kayaking in Abel Tasman
• going in the sea and not getting eaten by sharks
• managed to get K to walk somewhere
• got pleasantly pissed wine tasting in Marlborough and spent a lot of money
• decided I liked Nelson
• caught, killed and ate salmon
• dressed up in old clothes with shotguns in Shantytown
• watched a bunch of movies and bought (yep – bought) a lot of music (see above pages)
• went to the Food Exhibition and ate lots of free stuff
• felt bad about not keeping in touch with friends and family enough
• got snowed on walking in Arthur’s Pass and buggered my knee after slipping over
• shaved off my beard for the first time in 4 years and promptly grew it back
• found out that K still fancies me even without a beard (though prefers me with one)
• made soup!

And lots of other things as well.

Photos for all these things can be found here.

I’ll see about updating more regularly.  I should really go to bed now though as it’s almost mid-day.