Watching ER tonight and talking with Katherine has led to me thinking about my death (not in a particularly morbid way – I’m still smiling) and what I want to happen (all because the black guy who’s name I don’t know, tragically died).  So I thought I should put my thoughts down somewhere in case ‘bad things happen’ before I’m ready.  So here we go:

  • I want to be buried, not cremated.  I know it costs more but I have money and I like the idea of rotting.  That may sound strange but not being a religious person, for me the concept of degrading back to my base atoms and rejoining the universe is more comforting than some garbled vision of a heaven.
  • I want my funeral to be a celebration of my life with smiles and laughter, not a mourning of my death; my Nan had a Humanist ceremony and I thought it was a wonderful way of approaching it.  I actually learnt things about her life that I wished I had learnt while she was still alive.
  • I want to be buried in a small village cemetery near a tree.  A picturesque tree.  On the coast with a sea view.  Far away from any big towns.  (this one may be tricky).  Actually, if I could really get my way I would like to be dispersed in space.  That’s a genuine desire and the fact that I’m never likely to enter space and voyage between the planets is probably the most saddening thing in my life (the fact that is the most saddening thing in my life hints at how privileged I have been).  As for an explanation why, I have a story about an experience with Jupiter that I may share one day.  Unless I’m already dead, in which case either hunt out people I’ve already told it to or make one up…
  • I would like 2 songs played; both are by Mogwai and I want both of them to be played really loud.  And if anyone speaks or moves while Helicon is playing I WILL HAUNT YOUR ARSE FOR ETERNITY:
  1. Superheroes of BMX (to be played first; for the chaos)
  2. New Paths to Helicon 1 (the live version from the Tour EP (ask my brother – he’ll know) to be played at the end; for the beauty)
  • I want to donate ALL of my organs to people who may need them (f they’re in good shape I don’t need them anymore).
  • My books can be donated to a local library (or a second hand shop for cancer research); my brother can have my music and films; my sister can be forgiven; Katherine can have my jumpers, my Mogwai collection, my fish necklace and my soul; my Mum and Dad can have my paintings and the knowledge that I loved both of them and were proud to have them both as parents (even if I never rang home often enough or told them enough).  Saying that – if I die before my parents I’m going to be pretty pissed off – no offence guys but I want to be around for a bit longer than that).
  • Fuck it – after all that, I want you all to get really drunk on Jack Daniels and have a party.

So there you go.  Morbid perhaps and I have no intention of karking it just yet but you never know what’s around the next corner.  I would rather have said it than not.  Ultimately it won’t matter because I’ll be dead but I wouldn’t mind having a lasting impact; if only for a few short hours.

Some tears in my eyes; perhaps.  Damn ER.  😉

Andy x

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